Beliefs and Values Congruence / Verbal and Non-verbal Behavior Congruence

This, I have learned and it will undoubtedly help you too.

Beliefs are those fundamental principles or reasons, which guide us. Values are what we find to be important. Congruence, simply put, is agreement or consistency.

Some of what makes us unique individuals, is our mapping of beliefs and values. They govern what we do and define what we find important as an individual. Any two people can look at the exact same world and because we make different models of it, we interpret completely different things. Sometimes our own value set can coexist with a low level of conflict, depending on the situation. Different parts of us embody different values, follow different interests, have different intentions, and so come into conflict. Think of this as your inner voice. The voice inside your head when you think about something, that says do this or do that, this is better, no that is better, etc.

Imagine these different parts of ourselves that coexisting, for a reason. These parts again have developed as a result of our genetics, environment and life experience. Now imagine these parts being the instruments of an orchestra. Each one, by itself capable of making perfectly fine music, but nothing compared to the total harmony created when the instruments blend together.

You see, sooner or later in life we realize the importance of exploring our beliefs and defining our values, consciously. We must define ourselves first. Know yourself first. With maturity and a strong definition of ourselves we will tend to think and act congruently. That is to say, that our maps, or behaviors both verbal and non-verbal will tend to be consistent. This consistency will shine through, not only to those who observe you, but to all those other parts of yourself too. 

The lesson here is to look for this congruence in yourself and in the people around you. Those that are consistent, stable, strong, are tending to be congruent while others tend to be less congruent, to varying degrees. When it comes to helping others, congruence, or the lack of, will be one of the first clues for where you need to put the medicine.